


Unbelievers

by TweekTweak



Category: South Park
Genre: Drinking, Gen, House Party, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:07:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22918969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TweekTweak/pseuds/TweekTweak
Summary: After an unfortunate incident involving copious amounts of alcohol and a cute girl, can the weird boy on the roof save Craig's Saturday night?
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Original Female Character(s), Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak
Kudos: 45





	Unbelievers

**Author's Note:**

> A rewrite of a fic I wrote in ~2014, as I work through a bit of a creative slump. Glad to revisit this one. Not sure why, but I headcanon Craig as a messy drunk.

_Tuesday 21 April_

_This girl from college is having a party on Saturday night. I’ve never met her, but she knows Token, and somehow he’s gotten me and Clyde invitations. Us and the rest of the town, by the sounds of it._

_Clyde and I are staying at Token’s house on Friday, which probably means we’ll be having a piss up, because we’re just twenty four hour party people like that. Not._

_TO DO_

  * _buy guinea pig food_
  * _record Red Racer_
  * _remind Clyde he’s a dick_



_Craig Tucker_

xxxxx

“So, who exactly is it that’s throwing this famous party on Saturday?” Clyde asks, pausing Fifa to crack another beer.

Token looks up from his iPhone, and answers, “Mari Poole; the girl in my economics class with the blue hair and snakebites.”

“Oh, I’ve seen her on Facebook,” Clyde nods approvingly, downing a few mouthfuls of his beer before returning to his game, “She’s pretty cute; I might have to sex that tomorrow night.”

“Yeah right!” I laugh, “You’d be lucky if a bagel let you fuck it.”

“Fuck you, Craig!” Clyde pauses his game for a second time, tosses down the PlayStation controller, and shoves me. I push him back and he falls backwards off of the bed, dragging me down to the floor with him. I land on a heap of Token’s unwashed clothes, and grab a pair of boxers from the top of the pile, rubbing them right in Clyde’s face.

“ _Ew!_ ” he yelps, before pinning me to the floor, grabbing my arms and sitting on my stomach, “You are one horrible bastard, Craig Tucker!”

“And you weigh a fucking _ton_ , Clyde Donovan! Get off me!” I try and wrestle my way free, but he tightens his grip on my arms.

“Make me,” he purrs, and I raise an eyebrow at him.

“Was that supposed to sound sexy?”

“What the fuck do you mean by ‘supposed to’?”

“Are you two finished making out?” Token asks from the bed, sounding bored, “Because if you are, Clyde can get off his ass and go get more drink before the shop closes.”

“Are you joking?” Clyde sits up and checks the time on his mobile, “How am I meant to get there on time?”

“Why don’t you run there?” I grin from where I’m still lying on the bedroom floor, “You could do with the exercise!”

Clyde flips me off before getting up and pulling his jacket on, accepting the twenty bucks that Token hands him. “You own me, Black,” he shoots Token a dark look, before leaving for the store.

“Hard luck, Clyde,” Token calls after him, “You shouldn’t have turned twenty one!”

Token then reaches under his bed and pulls out an unopened bottle of vodka, winking at me.

“Looking forwards to the party tomorrow, Craig?” he asks, handing me the bottle after he takes a drink.

I consider for a moment, and shrug. I’ve never been much of a party person, but I suppose alcohol will help. I take a few swigs of vodka, shivering a little as it burns my throat. “I guess,” I eventually answer, before taking another drink and handing the bottle back to Token.

“You’ll be fine,” he tells me, “Mari’s very nice, and we’re all going to get very, very drunk. It’s going to be great; even _you_ might get laid!”

I flip my friend off and pluck the bottle of vodka from his hands, taking a particularly large drink.

Clyde returns five minutes later, scowling when he realises we hadn’t been entirely out of alcohol after all. “Fuck you guys; it’s absolutely freezing out there and you’re cosy in here with a bottle of vodka! Here’s your shitty cider, I’m going to bed.”

He dumps the plastic bag on the floor and crawls under Token’s duvet, facing away from us to glare at the wall. His temper tantrum doesn’t last long though, and soon we’re laughing again, taking turns at downing the drinks and playing PlayStation, and it’s just an average Friday night, and it’s great.

xxxxx

All I can say is, I’m glad that cheap booze exists.

I squeeze past a group of people standing in the hallway, the buzz of alcohol rushing through my bloodstream giving me a false air of confidence. I find Token in the kitchen, talking to a blue haired girl who I presume to be Mari. She smiles widely at me when I stumble over to them.

“Hey! You’re Craig Tucker, right? I’m Mari! So glad you could make it!” she wraps her arms around me tightly. She smells kind of good too; like cigarettes and rosy perfume. I hug her back easily, the vodka shots I did with Clyde covering any awkwardness I might have felt, and tell her that it’s a great party. It’s certainly amazing how many people she has crammed into her small house.

“Aw, thanks darling! Here,” she pours some vodka into a plastic cup, taking a quick drink from the bottle as she goes, and hands it to me. “Mixers are on the table there!”

“Thanks,” I smile.

Token has wandered off somewhere, I realise, but I’m too drunk to care. I stand and talk to Mari for a bit, noting how pretty she is. I try to complement her, but I’m evidently not drunk enough because my inhibitions rush back at the last second and I end up mumbling, “I like your headband.”

Oh well, she seems pleased anyway, and adjusts the flower crown she’s wearing slightly.

Suddenly a gaggle of drunk girls show up out of nowhere and drag her away, and she leans up to give me a quick kiss on the cheek as she goes. I think nothing of it.

“See you later, Craig!” she grins, before she’s swept away into the crowd of people packed in the hallway.

I top my drink up, and decide to go and find Clyde.

He’s not in line for the bathroom, and he’s not in the living room either. Mari shoots me a smile from where she’s sat on the sofa surrounded by her scantily clad girlfriends. I salute her lazily, before returning to the kitchen again; still no sign of Clyde anywhere. I find Token sitting on the counter alone though, so I wander over to him.

“Seen Clyde anywhere?” he asks me, and I shake my head, laughing.

“I was about to ask you the same thing!” I say, “Maybe he left?”

“That’s not like him,” Token shakes his head, “But whatever, lets’ just get drunk! Fuck Clyde!”

“You wish you could,” I joke, and he swats at me.

“Fuck off,” he grumbles, before changing the subject. “So, tell me Tucker, how do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“How do you get someone like Mari Poole to fancy you?”

“ _What?_ ”

“Uh, dude, she’s totally into you.” Token rolls his eyes like I’m some kind of idiot. Maybe I am.

“Really?”

“Well, she’s pretty wasted, but yeah, dude.”

I take a swig of my drink, “Wow. She’s hot.”

“No shit! You’re getting laid tonight, son; it must be full moon, or something!”

“Shut the fuck up, asshole,” I tell him, and down the rest of my vodka, “I’m going to find her.”

Feeling a little big headed, I leave Token in the kitchen and make my way back to the living room on a mission. Not as many of Mari’s friends are hanging around now, and the few that are don’t seem to take any notice of me as I approach.

“Hey, can I talk to you?” I ask her, doing my best to look cool while internally screaming.

“Sure, Craig!” she grins at me, standing up, “See you later, girls!”

She takes hold of my hand and leads me out of the living room and down the hallway. I follow her through the front door and out into the chilly April night. “It’s easier to talk out here,” she explains, seeing the confusion on my face, “So, Craig, what was it you wanted to talk about anyway?”

That’s a very good question, Mari; what _do_ I want to say? ‘You’re hot, girl’? ‘My friend said you’re down to fuck’?.

“I-, uh-,” good one Craig, “Um, you’re really pretty, Mari.”

I feel my cheeks flush even pinker than hers, only I’m not wearing blusher.

“Aw, thank you Craig!” she beams, before standing on her tip toes and leaning up to me, “And you know what? I think you’re pretty damn hot.”

And then suddenly I’m kissing her, and my brain can’t quite comprehend it, because when do I ever kiss anyone? It’s over before it’s even begun though, because suddenly Mari is grabbing me by the hand and pulling me back into the house. I follow her up the narrow staircase, and she all but drags me into her bedroom.

“Nice room,” I note, looking around at the twinkling fairy lights and band posters hanging all over her walls.

“It’s even nicer with you in it,” she grins, pulling me backwards onto the bed, and then we’re kissing again, and it’s pretty fucking great.

xxxxx

“Craig? Craig, are you okay dude?”

What the fuck? Is that Token?

I sit up, my vision spinning, and manage to knock my head on the corner of something hard as I go.

“Fuck!” I yelp, clutching the side of my head, “Token? What the shit is going on?”

The room starts coming into focus, and I don’t recognise the squishy pink bedding and Slipknot posters immediately.

“I don’t know, Craig. Mari said you threw up all over her. She also said she doesn’t want to see you again tonight.”

Fuck, that’s right. I’m in Token’s friend’s bedroom, and by the sound of it I didn’t get laid after all.

I groan and Token looks like he wants to laugh. Thank god he doesn’t though, because my head is spinning too much for me to punch him in the face right now.

“Unlucky, man,” he sighs, “She’s so hot.”

“Don’t remind me,” I rub my temples, “God, do you have any aspirin?”

“You know me - I just carry drugs wherever I go,” he replies dryly, but reaches into his hoodie pocket and tosses me a packet of painkillers, “Only the hardest shit.”

“What time is it anyway?” I ask, realising that the music has been turned down since I passed out, and he shrugs.

“About four in the morning; I’m fucking exhausted, but I stayed up to make sure you didn’t choke on your own sick or something. You were fucking wrecked, man, how much did you even drink?”

“I don’t know, Token,” I grumble, “But I’m touched that you care.” I pull my heavy bones off of the floor, grabbing the bed frame for support, “You can go to bed now if you want. I should be okay.”

“Great!” he grins, and immediately crawls into Mari’s bed, “Night, Craig! Hey, do you think if Mari comes in here she’ll cuddle me?”

I shrug, “I wish you better luck than me, dude. Thanks for making sure I didn’t die!”

“Any time, man, any time!”

xxxxx

I go downstairs, with the intention of going straight home.

I peek into the living room as I pass. A few people are still sitting up, talking quietly amongst themselves, including Mari. She seems to be attempting to comfort a blonde girl who is sniffling away; clearly I’ve missed some drama while unconscious on Mari’s bedroom floor.

She spots me as I’m sneaking past, and looks as though she’s torn between pitying me and tearing out my fucking jugular. I feel my cheeks flush when I realise she’s changed out of the dress she was wearing earlier and into some sweats. Briefly wondering if she’d actually murder me, I decide not to hang around to find out.

I’m about to head out the front door, when someone calls my name from the kitchen. Poking my head into the room, I find Clyde sitting with a group of guys. I recognise a couple of them as Stan and Kyle, who I haven’t seen since our senior year of high school.

“Hey, Craig!” Stan beams at me, slurring his words, and Kyle rolls his eyes.

“Hi, Craig!” Clyde greets me, “I heard about what happened. Don’t worry; Marsh here is even more drunk than you were.” He hands me a beer, “Token told me not to let you drink any more, but I think you need it after what happened.”

“Thanks, Clyde,” I accept the drink and knock back half of it there and then, if only to rid my mouth of the sickly taste that has been lingering.

I excuse myself, needing a breath of fresh air, and step out the back door and onto the patio. Shivering, I zip my hoodie up before taking a few more sips of my drink, and leaning against the wall of the house. The painkillers Token gave me have begun to take effect, dulling the edge of my hangover only just. I can almost enjoy the crisp early morning. Almost.

“Got a little soul, the world is a cold, cold place to be…”

I’m pretty sure my heart fully skips a beat when a voice suddenly starts singing from somewhere above me. Dropping my can of beer, I look up to see if it’s someone in one of the rooms upstairs, but all the windows are shut. Strange.

“Want a little warmth, but who’s gonna save a little warmth for me?” the voice continues, and suddenly I recognise the song and harmonise along shamelessly. I guess I’m still pretty drunk, because I’m not the best singer.

“We know the fire awaits unbelievers, all of the sinners the same…”

“Fuck!” the voice yelps, and my heart skips again when a half smoked cigarette rains down from the sky, only just missing me. I look up again; there’s still no one in the upstairs windows, but this time I spot someone sitting on the fucking roof.

“What the fuck?” I’m not sure if I’m seeing things, “What are you doing up there?”

“Sitting,” the boy calls back nonchalantly, “Why did you make me drop my smoke?”

“Fuck your cigarette! Get down from there, you could fall!”

“I’m good,” he answers, “I think you should come up here, since you cost me my smoke, and all!”

I flip him off. “Fall off of the roof then, fuck if I care!”

I go back inside the house, then feel guilty and go back out two minutes later to make sure the boy is still okay. He laughs when he spots me checking on him, a fresh cigarette dangling between his lips.

“You really should come up here!” he insists, plucking the cigarette from his lips so he can talk, “It’s great to watch the sunrise from the roof. We can even sing some more, since you were so keen on it earlier!”

I flip him off for a second time. “How did you even get up there?”

“I usually climb onto the wall, and then up the drainpipe. If you can get up, you’re free to join me.”

I roll my eyes, and try to pull myself up onto the garden wall. I fall back to the ground the first time.

“And you told me not to fall!” he calls down, and I can hear the amusement in his voice.

I tell him to fuck off, spotting some bins tucked away in the corner behind the house. I climb onto one of them, and then hop onto the wall, before scaling the drainpipe and pulling myself onto the roof.

“You made it!” the boy grins, flipping his blond hair out of his face, “Want a cigarette?”

“Nah,” I decline his offer.

“How boring.”

“So, are you going to tell me what you’re doing up here?”

He takes a deep drag on his cigarette, exhaling the smoke directly into my face pointedly. “I _was_ singing, before I was so rudely interrupted.”

“Rude my ass; you know I sounded good!”

“It wasn’t a sing-along, idiot. Still, if you really want to sing with me then go ahead, I guess,” the boy shrugs. “I won’t stand in your way, let your hatred grow. And she’ll-,”

“You like Muse,” I grin, and he stops singing again.

“No shit,” he replies, “Are you going to let me sing or what?”

“Right, sorry,” I apologise, and he starts singing quietly again. I mouth the words along with him, not sure if I’m still allowed to join in or not.

He gets about halfway through the song before stopping suddenly and lying back onto the roof.

“You’re a good singer,” I tell him, and he smiles a little.

“I’m okay, I guess. I don’t sing that often; just on roofs at night, with weird boys that make me drop my cigarettes.”

“ _I’m_ weird?!” I splutter indignantly.

“I’m glad you agree.”

“That’s rich, coming from the guy that hangs out on roofs at four in the morning!”

“That’s exactly what you’re doing right now too! So tell me, why are you up at this time of night? There must be a story there.”

“I just needed a bit of fresh air, I guess,” I tell him. “It was stuffy in the house. What the fuck is it to you, anyway?”

“Just curious,” he answers, “I don’t usually have company up here. It’s nice, I suppose.”

“Y’know, I’m curious too; how did _you_ find yourself here?”

“I already told you, I climbed up the drainpipe,” the boy rolls his eyes at me.

“That’s not what I meant, dumbass. Like, don’t you have somewhere to go?”

“Oh. I have a house, if that’s what you mean; life’s too short to just stay at home doing nothing, though. It’s much more fun to sit up here and watch the sun rising. It’s a bit cold, but why waste the opportunity, right? You’re gonna love it when you see it!”

The boy lights another cigarette, and offers me the packet again. I shrug, and decide to take one; why waste the opportunity? He lights my smoke for me.

“What about you? What made you decide to accept my cordial invitation and join me on this roof tonight - other than my irresistible charm, that is? Hey, this isn’t your house, is it?”

“Nope. Some girl from my college lives here - she was having a party.”

“Good. I figured you’d be more freaked out if it was your place.”

“I was just leaving, actually. I fucked everything up, as usual.” I take a deep drag on my smoke, cringing at the night’s events. The boy looks at me curiously.

“How do you mean?” he asks, flicking ash from the end of his own cigarette.

“The girl that lives here… I, uh, threw up on her,” my cheeks burn as I tell him, “Right as we were about to fuck.”

The boy laughs loudly, and I smack his arm.

“Fuck off! I don’t even remember doing it, and it’s still the worst night of my life! I’ve had so much to drink, I’m surprised I don’t have alcohol poisoning.”

The boy clucks his tongue and takes the last couple of drags on his cigarette, before stubbing it out on the slate and flicking the butt away into the night.

“The sun should be coming up soon,” he mercifully changes the subject away from my intoxicated shenanigans, “That should take your mind off it; it really is a beautiful sight.”

“I doubt anything could take my mind off _that_ ,” I grumble.

Neither of us speak for a little while. I watch the boy, still lying back on the slanted roof, as he shuts his eyes and smiles softly. A gentle breeze lifts a few strands of his blond hair. He starts absentmindedly singing Unbelievers again. I quietly sing along. He doesn’t stop me.

He opens his eyes, sits up, and looks over the rooftops and trees.

“Look!” he grabs my arm tightly.

I look.

An array of golds and reds and pale blues burst over the horizon from seemingly nowhere, silhouetting the sleepy town, and in this moment I feel blessed to be here to share it with this weird boy on this cold roof.

“God, it’s fucking beautiful. I wish the sky was always like this,” the boy comments. I look at him, and he looks mesmerised as the morning grows lighter, his eyes glittering as he watches the sunrise.

“It is pretty nice, I suppose.”

A few minutes pass. The boy lights another cigarette.

“Do you ever stop smoking?” I ask him, raising an eyebrow.

“Nah,” he replies nonchalantly, “Life’s too short. You have very nice eyes.”

I’m a little taken aback, but thank him nonetheless, trying to ignore the fuzzy feeling it gives me - it must be the drink. Yep, definitely the vodka. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” he blows smoke in my face and I cough a little.

“Fuck you.”

“I’ve only just met you, sugar,” he winks at me, and I roll my eyes.

He lies back again, blowing smoke rings that get swept away in the morning breeze.

“What are you going to do now?” I ask him curiously, “Now that the sun’s up, I mean. That’s what brought you up here, right?”

He shrugs, “That’s true. I have all day to decide, really. I need to get more smokes, and then I’m free to do whatever I want.”

“Fair enough.”

“I like to wander. There’s so much to see, and so little time. What about you? What are you going to do with _your_ day?”

I consider for a moment. “Probably get some more painkillers for this hangover, and avoid absolutely everyone who was at that party.”

“Fair enough,” he grins.

He tosses the butt of his cigarette and breathes the morning air deeply, looking up at the sky.

“You have nice eyes too,” I note, as they sparkle green in the rising sun.

He smiles widely, making his eyes glitter even more, then gets up and stretches. “I’d best get going now, actually. I don’t need your friend catching me up here.”

“I don’t think we’re really friends,” I smile weakly, “She’s probably passed out now, anyway.”

“Do you need some help getting down from here? We wouldn’t want you to fall again, would we?” he teases, and I flip him off.

“I’m not as drunk now, man. I’ll be fine.”

“If you’re sure,” he shrugs, offering me a hand up. I take it.

Once I’m standing he doesn’t let go. Instead, he looks straight into my eyes, flips his blond hair out of his face, smiles, and plants his lips straight onto my own. Just as I find myself kissing him back he’s gone, climbing down the drainpipe and leaving me rooted to the spot in surprise.

When I get back down onto the patio the boy is nowhere to be seen.

xxxxx

_Sunday 26 April_

_Life update: fucked it up, but maybe it was worth it?_

_TO DO_

  * _remind Clyde that he’s still a dick_
  * _work on film project for college_
  * _go to Mari’s at 4 am reg. cute boy?? (GET NAME)_



_Craig Tucker_


End file.
